are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
