Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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