I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
