Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
