we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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