I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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