Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How's work?
Spinning.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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