I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
