false alarm. still invincible.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
