can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
