I just threw up on my dentist
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
