Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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