Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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