We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I AM VODKA MAN
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Randomize
