Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
