That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
