So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
