It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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