it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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