Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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