Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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