Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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