omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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