I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
