if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
