Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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