So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
