do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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