The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
