I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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