you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
