I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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