You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
