Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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