so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
