So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
