conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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