saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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