I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
