You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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