dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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