Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
