i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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