I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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