dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
