There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
