I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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