You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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