just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
