the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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