life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
What a dumb baby whore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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