the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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