i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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