You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
