Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize