You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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