My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
