Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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