Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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