I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
