Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
