So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
