Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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