I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize