The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
