OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
