You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
