He kissed a someone with a penis
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
