i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Randomize
