Say something about gay babies.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
