oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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