My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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