Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
