That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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