I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
