I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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