I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
