You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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