no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize