I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
