: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
