do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
