kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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