i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize