Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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