i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
