I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
