You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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