my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
