who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
