Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
