just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
