GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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